Lullaby

Last night was a century. It's these spasmodic bouts of insomnia that really sap the life out me. Technically, I should be able to deal with them by simply pulling an all-nighter on the spot to bulldoze my backlog. But they tend to occur on nights where I have something quite demanding ahead on the next day. Like today, I'll be needing to book out of Handover Camp to sing with the minstrel ministry till ten-ish. I guess it's probably due to my erratic sleeping pattern, and now my body is just crying out for attention. Hopefully this doesn't evolve into some syndrome to plague me in my later years.

Perhaps I should just give in to Mum, and to those of you who've been chiding me like her to start sleeping early. But even if I don't now, I'm certain that the upcoming soldier season will ensure, or rather enforce that I dive at 10 and rise at 5 everyday, amidst all other activities painfully beneficial to physical fitness. It's not particularly encouraging, but it should help.

Thankfully, Day One of camp is moderately relaxing, as should be apparent from this piece of writing. But now I think I should be off to practice for this evening's vespers. Worship at the astroturf sounds great. Night sky, scattered stars, rich melodies and an abundance of black and green rubber bits, all of which ascribe glory and power to our unique Creator. Thank God music has a place for me everywhere I go.

I'll take my chances

The man has spoken:

"Let's see what time I knock off...Yeah I should be able to make it down by 8:30pm!"

Right, so what's left to do now is to tell him what he's gotten himself into. At least we've arranged for an espionage briefing come Sunday. But I just have a feeling that his guts still won't betray us in the face of all possible shenanigans. Haha, we're in for a treat one way or another. If the barbecue works out, we'd better have a serving of equally or even more lip-smacking chicken soup for the soul. Definitely looking forward to the 19th.

So that's a good cause for celebration. The good cause rather. Because unfortunately, I was hardly able to finish any work today, and this is really getting on my nerves. Though I did complete the bridge for the new tune I've been working on, and I'm quite satisfied with it.

What does scare me is the amount of time left on my hands till when it's just the pen, the paper and me in a frigid hall with about 400 other studious clones. There is so little of it left that I find myself constantly entertaining thoughts about just becoming a missionary in Africa and snoozing in the Savannah. That works for about...5 seconds on a particularly hopeless day? I then remember the people here for whom I would die rather than be separated from. So what began with a sigh ends with a sigh.

As of now, it's step by step, fork by fork, today's share of manna then tomorrow's share of manna. If I don't take what's right, I won't know what's left. Carpe diem, but live for eternity at the same time. Goodness me, what a load of self-didacticism. And most of all it reminds of a passage in my EE text actually. It takes place when the protagonist (who is an Anglican priest) attempts to fanatically justify his...well...fanaticism, for gambling.

'I cannot see', he said, 'that such a God, whose fundamental requirement of us is that we gamble our mortal souls, every second of our temporal existence...It is true! We must gamble every instant of our allotted span. We must stake everything on the unprovable fact of His existence.'

Chapter 57, Oscar and Lucinda

by Peter Carey

Slap me in the face if I ever say I agree with this. Wait, but not even to the tiniest extent? Well, maybe, but I just don't call it gambling. I call it faith. And the promise that follows is not a growing debt of evidence, but a contract pending on eternity.

Life is like that.

I woke up with with a sad, sad frown this morning. What a way to greet my Maker. But honestly, in the economy of events, I'm barely getting by. It seems that I've long forgotten what it feels like to be on top of things. But at least I have my sanity to be proud of given the fact that it's clear I ain't always happy as a clam.

It was only after an entertaining discussion with the tripartite in church, and after a long conversation with a dear friend that my plunging spirits took two right turns. But it would be going too far to say that nothing good came out of the boo-hoo. Now I have a fresh, cathartic song to share with my siblings at the upcoming chalet. Three cheers to that.

In relation to the chalet again, Willem Dafoe didn't pick up, so I didn't get to talk to him about what we wanted to have him around for. And his Queen Latifah of course. The pair would definitely spice things up at the barbecue. Chinese jokes, random anecdotes, free toffees and the like.

Well, I'm off to read Celebration now, then maybe continue with Prac 31, depending on how confident I am of my work-discipline for tomorrow.

Avarice

I was looking at the management's beware-of-theft notice again at the pantry earlier, just as we were leaving church. The first photo on the bill shows the victim leaving his bench, with his valuables left on the table. The second photo on the bill shows the thief, who had entered from the side door, helping himself to the offering of negligence - a phone and a wallet. The third photo depicts the thief fleeing from a freshly desecrated altar. That happened quite long ago.

In view of recent events, I can't help but think that history has repeated itself. Just in a different way. This time, an thewy group of High-Calibre Robbers arrived on the scene to steal from us the victim himself, in an orchestrated manner. And maybe this time, it was because I realised this parallelism of a theft too late. The victim has since become the chief-seaman of their freighter, and they're very far from shore.

What is to be done? I don't know. We don't know.

And that's simply one problem in the jigsaw of all the others. Earlier, I commented to Duck II about something regarding the dynamics of human relationships that I've come to realise. The people who hurt you the deepest are the people whom you deem the closest. It is bitterly ironic, and I guess it's only when you've realised this truth that you can flip the script and act with love, capitalising on its latter clause.

Thankfully, the closest Persons (there are three of them) have faithfully promised to never disappoint. It has certainly been so thus far. Unfortunately, I probably still hurt Them a lot, which is not exactly the best form of reciprocation.

Well, at least there are some things in life that cannot be stolen.

Excess heat, spare meat and a simple seed

The weather has been mercilessly hot for the past two months. I don't recall anything quite like it for as long as I've been on this sunny island. I'd very much like to attribute its cause to global warming. But I know it would be utter self-denial to ignore the fact that I'm really expanding horizontally, not in the healthier sense. Even my social jury is giving assent, continually and voluntarily. Accordingly, a thicker subcutaneous layer increases bodily insulation, which is quite unnecessary in this part of the world. At least not now. You see, what was designed to be a completely normal homeostatic function has been perverted by irresponsible diet, lack of exercise and late nights. So, more vegetables and fruit, less meat and suet? Mayb- nah, who am I bluffing.

But actually, what's more noteworthy of recency is the bare control I had over the movie-discussion a few hours ago. The over-starched collar of disorganised material clearly had a stifling effect. The conveyance of such probably ignited embers of doubt that were never properly extinguished at the end. Along the same lines, fattened resources don't necessarily lead to nutritious sharing. Especially not with an audience that has a panoply of appetites. Haha, I'm actually amused at the way this is turning out to sound a lot like a barbecue of complaints.

But if a simple seed gets just what it needs, then a Redwood tree might grow.

At least now I have some idea of how to deal with a group of folks with different needs. Just go Gospel, for it is the power of God unto salvation for believers and unbelievers alike.

So despite the fact that my sharing earlier wasn't entirely coherent;

despite the fact that there're still so many internal and external affairs vis-à-vis YM that have yet to be sorted out;

and despite the fact that my left eye is now incredibly red and painful due to a stray spurt of alkaline shower lotion in the bathroom earlier,

God was, is and will be sovereign in all things. We fight to issue calls for conversion, but ultimately, it is He who issues a converting call.

"When He had said these things, He cried out with a loud voice, 'Lazarus, come out.' The man who had died came out, his hands and feet were bound with linen strips, and his face was wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, 'Unbind him, and let him go.'"

John 11:43-44

Re-revolution

It's a Friday afternoon and I've got quite some material to churn out for a meeting in 6 hours. Progress is slow. But when the going gets tough, the go-er gets weird and startling revelations.

Sometimes, for the brightest ideas to materialise, one needs only to look around in the old attic, with an ounce of curiosity and a fair bit of patience. Maybe a bit of luck too. After all, Einstein had Newton to disprove and Edison had Tesla to remove.

Similarly, I think I was most obscenely naive from age 14 to 16; some would argue that it's never stopped. But then again, I'd never have arrived at where I am now if those years never came to pass. And I'll probably think the same thought a few years down the road.

Which is why it's such a pity that my desktop is currently malfunctioning. 5 years worth of precious musty archives, including school stuff, church stuff, music files and what-have-yous.

So maybe desperate times don't really call for desperate measures, definitely not separate measures. I just need to remember how unconventional things used to be, then set them in stone again.

1.5 Bonus Points

"In conclusion, I believe that the claim is very relevant to both the natural sciences and the human sciences, in that it elucidates number of key principles that undergird these two areas of knowledge. Yet, I think it would be over-generalising to ergo ascribe equal relevance to both, because the nature of order and chaos assumes nuanced definitions when concerned with each of the two disciplines. Ultimately, it is clear that the statement is addressing a complex issue. I hope that in the future, I might come to glimpse a more systematic understanding of this matter from the chaos of my musings."

That's it, I guess. Hopefully the examiner has a sense of humour. Well, 1.5 years of mumbo-jumbo in 1.5k words for 1.5 bonus points, and it all comes down to this.

Which I handed in today!